My latest post may be and has actually been considered a 'one-sided' perspective from a submissive who was told to post his feelings regarding a FLR contract. As instructed, I wrote about my feelings such as they are.
Soon after posting my feelings and thoughts regarding our new contract, a follower named Tamara posted her comment. At first read of Tamara's comment I got rather defensive and thankfully didn't immediately defend my position. You might say my submissive side took control and I referred to my Mistress for guidance. My Mistress chose to post a rebuttal that clarified my one-sided statements.
Reading Tamara's bio will tell you that she is a 'vanilla wife' to a 'submissive husband'. After thinking about her situation and her apprehension to work on a FLR, per posted comment, I wonder whether she is missing the point or rewards of being a Mistress. If so, she is not alone as her view of a FLR being 'work' for the female is well documented in articles and blogs throughout the Internet.
In the case of a husband and wife, both must benefit from the effort of maintaining the relationship. Since I have been married for 20 plus years, I know from experience that even a vanilla relationship takes effort.
Why do this? How do I benefit? How does she benefit? What effort takes place? Tough questions to answer and not unlike a vanilla relationship, the benefit of a FLR must outweigh the effort. Another similarity is that you will likely benefit only by the amount of effort you put into your relationship.
But I digress... Back to the point. What is in it for my Mistress?
My Mistress does benefit from our FLR. First and foremost she gains by receiving additional respect and dedication from me, her submissive partner. As a submissive I no longer have the ability to flex my male ego and thus continuously and consistently devote myself to her. Even if I do stray from a preferred behaviour, it is entirely her right to ignore or correct me.
Why dominate me?
At first my Mistress couldn't understand why she should desire to dominate me. From my point of view, in many ways, she has been making most of the decisions anyway. For example, very little if any of the details of our wedding were decided by me. Mother Nature not I could change her timing for raising a family. I am a foremost a provider and to a lesser extent, a resolver. Now with the FLR, I can reverently relinquishment my authority that most often caused friction in our vanilla relationship. Without this potential to clash with my spouse, I am much more free to express myself.
BDSM is in the bedroom. FLR is everywhere
Male sexual relief impairs his ability to continuously commit to his partner. I know from experience that after an orgasm a man loses willpower. Since I am not a doctor or a chemist, I cannot explain the reason for the degrade in dedication. Regardless, it happens and I can't seem to avoid it when it does. Unlike BDSM, the dynamics of the FLR restrict the sexual release of the submissive without having to avoid physical contact. In fact, a most enlightening dynamic of the FLR is that physical contact is expected to increase. Without male orgasm release, the willingness of the submissive to pleasure his Mistress becomes consistent. With regular tease and denial techniques administered to the submissive male, his sexual, physical and emotion energy grows to benefit the Mistress. So much so, that her enjoyment and sexual needs are his primary goal as he becomes complacent and resistant to his own release.
Women can lead
From a very young age, we are taught that males lead females. The most obvious event of the learning process happens when we dance and date. Boys ask girls out on dates or offer to dance. How many marriage engagements are started by the woman? I certainly haven't heard of any.
Growing up as a compliant male does occur eventually and until his life gets beyond the need for masculine stereotypes, his behavior is more manufactured than it is natural. If the submissive male is able to find a woman who is willing and able to pursue the dominate role, he will have found a match for life and a FLR is born.
Defense rests... For now
Dear happysubmale and dear happymistress,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry if I hurt your feelings. I did not mean to. I think we were all victims of a misunderstanding.
happysubmale, you did not mention in your previous post that you were ordered to describe your feelings about the contract. I did not know that this was your explicit task. That's why I perceived your posting from a different perspective than from which it was meant.
I'm glad to hear everything works out fine for both of you.
Tamara